why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
