whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
