With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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