when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
