Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
