piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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