Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
now i know why i became what i already was.
love makes seman taste better
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
