i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
