We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
