I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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