I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
