K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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