Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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