I saw his package. It spoke to me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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