I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
