I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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