I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
MIDGETS
????
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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