also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
