I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
