She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
