Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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