I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
