the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
