Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
