This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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