I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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