no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
