I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
