We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
