dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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