Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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