HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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