can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
