Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
