I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
