STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
