Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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