I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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