All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
