i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
