just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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