she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
