I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
