You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
