1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
