I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
