Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's blow job season.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
