So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
