At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
