I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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