i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
